WHY is this concept so difficult for me?! Just 2 weeks ago I re-entered the student world, beginning a PhD at Auburn. Somehow, in the last 5 years of working fulltime, I had forgotten how chaotic and busy life can feel as a student! My husband has watched me change from a relatively calm wife, cooking dinners and cleaning house regularly, drinking sweet tea on the porch and relaxing in the evenings, to a frantic, crazed woman in just a few short weeks.
As a counselor, I am well-aware of our critical need to manage anxiety. In fact, anxiety and a fast pace of life are related to health problems and certainly to relationship difficulties. According to WebMD, prolonged stress can affect:
- Muscles (soreness, arthritis)
- Heart (blood pressure, hardening of arteries and even heart attacks)
- Immune System (reduced ability to fight off minor sicknesses and even some diseases)
- Stomach (stomach aches, IBS, ulcers)
- Reproductive system (even some infertility issues are related to stress)
- Skin (acne, psoriasis)
http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-management-effects-of-stress
Research also relates anxiety to higher levels of depression, stress in intimate relationships, and impatience in parenting. So since we all know that anxiety affects our bodies and our relationships, why do we resist slowing ourselves down?!
Do you want to know a secret?! The simplest and most profound lesson I have learned in the last several years as a counselor, wife, researcher and now student is to STOP and BREATHE. There it is. Seriously this is where it starts. It is truly amazing what happens to your body and mind when you allow yourself to pause for even 1 minute to breathe. Breathing is proven to be one of the first and foremost tools in calming anxiety.
Here’s a scene: I wake up at 5:15am in order to finish dishes from last night’s supper, begin laundry, make my grocery list, read those 2 articles that I have to report on in class at 8am…my mind and heart begin to race; I’m already panicking that I don’t have enough time; I give a curt, irritated goodbye to my husband as he leaves for work…and THEN I remember to just stop and sit on the couch for one minute. I close my eyes, place my hands in my lap, and allow my breaths to begin to slow down. I notice how my lungs feel as they expand and contract; I allow my mind to wander but don’t cling to any specific thoughts; I feel the tension in my back slowly releasing. When I open my eyes just seconds later, I already feel a clarity and calm that certainly were not present before. My day has already taken a turn, in that one simple moment! (Note: It may also be a good idea to apologize to your husband at this moment!)
What simple anxiety-reducing technique works for you? Is it difficult for you to allow yourself a break in the day to be calm and breathe?
Kim Gregson, LMFT, M.S.
Tags: anxiety, balance, healthy relationships, life stresses
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